Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
