there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
