how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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