Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
