There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
did i just pee glitter
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
