Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
