Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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