what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
being pregnant is like rehab
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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