jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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