Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
