I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
how drunk are you?
Several
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
