Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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