i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
