she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
