There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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