my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
