I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
farters have to be the big spoon...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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