I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
