Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They took my balls.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
