After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
