I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
