so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
everyone is single if you try hard enough
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize