he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
