How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize
