Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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