I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
