the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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