So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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