Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
