He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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