I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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