so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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