We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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