what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish I only lived at night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
