he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
