if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
