apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
please come you make the beer taste better
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
