Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
