The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
