She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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