dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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