My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize