Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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