I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
