I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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