Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
