piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
