Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
