STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
