there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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