Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
