marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We are two peas in an std pod
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
