You smell like a Billy Joel song
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
