Sponge bath it is.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
