Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
