I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
