but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
