On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
