you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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