Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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