Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
