Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
