rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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