I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize