loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
