piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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