Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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